Monday, September 12, 2011


As had been expected, I have increasingly difficult times communicating.  Some times I feel I'm just waiting to die, but then its like what if I'm supposed to do one last thing.  Although I cannot fathom what it might be.  Waiting and waning as my skills are fading.  It is rarely a sad wait, more of a ‘oh well.’

The funny thing about all this is I came to terms with all of this relativity quick.  When I went though the surgery I immediately got up and tried to recover.  That isn't to say I had no frustrations, but I mostly viewed them as telling me where I had made a mistake.  Just about every day in inpatient rehab the therapists came and got us in our wheelchair and brought us to the gym.  Once I learned how to walk, I every day walked to the gym and was waiting, especially since I learned that if I stay active enough they would let me go off the injections of heparin in the stomach.

After spending a month in inpatient rehab therapy I went to radiation treatment for one hour once a weekday for six weeks.  Then I went to outpatient rehab every two to three days.  Since then I have made significant outcomes.  Now I am in hospice, waiting.

I have a team of four hospice workers.  A nurse, social worker, hospice aide, and a chaplain.  Apparently the nurse has never encountered a double port so she has some research to do.  That is not uncommon.  The social worker is the one I know the least.  The aide helps me primary with hygiene.  The chaplain comes by once a week and I don't know what she is to do with me expect for getting my life but I guess we have a good time of it.  I would think things would change, but that is how it is going now.

Waiting until things change.

Posted via email from skavookie's posterous


Julie Bellis m/o Andre said...

I am so glad that you are still able to expess yourself...I want to know what you are thinking and going through. There was the end stage for Andre were he couldn't talk and it was the hardest for me looking back...and so I ask that you continue for as long as you precious.

JDD said...

Bless you, Josh--it's a privilege to know you..
Joan Davis
Member of BTSG at UW

Anonymous said...

Hi Josh. Have tried this twice and hope something goes through. Waiting is my least favorite thing. But I am patiently waiting to visit with you this week. I miss talking to you with your amazing humor and quick quips. I will be there soon. Much love and all my prayers. Janelle

Anonymous said...

Best wishes old friend, may the gods ride w/you.

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