Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Some Final Words

If I send this out now, I might think of more final thoughts later, and what would I do then?  So this may be a series, but it may not.  And as the cancer progresses I may no longer have the facilities to check what I have already said.  This could be interesting.

First, I have at times thought I wasn't really inspiring people as much as they said I was.  But I've gotten so much mail about how I've inspired specific people that there is no longer any doubt.  Thank you all.  This is a great way to go out.  I hope you continue to spread my message after I'm gone (http://tinyurl.com/3kov3zq or http://tinyurl.com/3gbkem7).

Second, I wanted to share with you some personal thoughts.  One of the things I've missed the most was an opportunity to have a family: a wife, one child.  I have been blessed to have Academy Schools as a surrogate.  But it's not the same, and it lacks the wife.  Although I often think my cat considers herself as my demanding wife.

Some things that bother me are only a problem because I’m bothered by them.  I will die a virgin, and the thing that bothers me most about that is that I am bothered by that.  I would much prefer it if I where not interested in women sexually.  Even before all of this, it was a distraction from my studies.  Some how it's getting worse as I come closer to dieing.  Maybe some doctor can give me a pill for that.

And finally, I wish I had been bolder.  I missed some great opportunities growing up because I was afraid.  Only later in my life did I finally take charge.  Reach for the stars, and don't be afraid of not reaching them.  I bet you'll get farther than you thought, and life's all about the journey.  That is what I learned in the months before my diagnosis, and since then.

There are a number of things I want to say but due to my fading communication skills I cannot get out.  It's frustrating being once a affluent teacher and watching communication skills deteriorate.  At the same time, due to my tumor's placement, having my incoming communication relatively intact except for my ability to concentrate.

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