Half a year ago my life was all lined up. It seemed nothing could go wrong. I had a career and family planned and everything was on target - except for a tumor that had been growing quietly in my head for a few months. In a very short time my life changed completely. It has taken me six months to realize just how completely it has changed. All along my goal has been to go back to school. First I thought I would be able to go back the next quarter. The surgeons seemed confident that they could remove the tumor with minimal collateral damage. Apparently they were wrong. I don't blame anyone for how it turned out. I'm sure the doctors did the best they could. Sometimes things just go wrong, and it seems no one has any clue what went wrong in my case. One would think that would bother me: I'm one of those people who is constantly asking "why," but somehow it doesn't bother me much.
Very soon it became apparent that I would not be returning to school this year. So I had a new goal: go back the following Fall. It seemed like a reasonable goal, for a long time I never even considered the possibility that it might not be. Now I'm not so sure. It may still be an option, but I don't really know anymore and I'm running out of time. My goal all along has been to return to school at some point, but that is looking increasingly unlikely. If I can't go back to school, I will have to find other goals. I can't live without goals. But so far I can't think of any other goals. I guess my goal for now will have to be to find new goals. That's not a very satisfying goal but it will have to do.