Tuesday, July 6, 2010


I've always been lazy, but at the same time determined to do things the hard way. I've been very motivated and not so much, with little correlation with whether I wanted to do something. This is my curse. People tell me how brilliant and inspiring I am. Why can't I be that inspiring to myself?

I made it a point not to graduate from high school and then go to college. I went to a wonderful community college and put off graduating for as long as I could. Then I went to the University and again put off graduating as long as I could. Then I went to grad school in math and didn't get a chance to put off graduating. At the end of my first term I found out that I had terminal brain cancer. Most of the tumor was removed, but eventually it will grow back. After my surgery, I was unable to speak or write and was paralyzed on my right side. After much therapy and hard work, I partially regained my abilities. All through therapy I did things the hard way, and it payed off. Then they told me I had graduated from therapy. I hate when that happens.

I went back to school thinking I'd die before I would have to graduate. About one school year later my heath caught up with me. But that was alright, I got to go back to therapy. And then I graduated again. I can't go back to school this time, so that has left me searching for something else to put off graduating. I guess there is life, but I don't want to live out the rest of my life with nothing else.

For the past year and a half or so, I have been having lots of trouble with motivation and initiative. I find myself frustrated at the end of days after having realized how little I have done in that day. I want to do things, but it just doesn't happen. I've realized that I get that way between things I'm putting off graduating from, and I'm very afraid I won't find something else this time.

Posted via email from skavookie's posterous


oakleyses said...

ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, tiffany jewelry, nike roshe, nike free run, christian louboutin uk, tory burch outlet, polo ralph lauren, sac longchamp pas cher, gucci handbags, jordan shoes, ugg boots, nike air max, ray ban sunglasses, burberry pas cher, replica watches, cheap oakley sunglasses, nike free, longchamp outlet, nike outlet, polo outlet, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp outlet, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses wholesale, polo ralph lauren outlet online, air max, nike air max, kate spade outlet, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin, prada handbags, ugg boots, louis vuitton, louis vuitton outlet, replica watches, chanel handbags, christian louboutin shoes, christian louboutin outlet, longchamp pas cher, uggs on sale, jordan pas cher, ray ban sunglasses, louboutin pas cher, louis vuitton outlet, oakley sunglasses, tiffany and co, louis vuitton, prada outlet

oakleyses said...

kate spade, polo lacoste, sac hermes, sac vanessa bruno, nike air max uk, true religion outlet, true religion jeans, burberry outlet, vans pas cher, hollister uk, michael kors outlet online, coach purses, mulberry uk, converse pas cher, coach outlet, michael kors outlet, nike air max, guess pas cher, nike free uk, michael kors, north face uk, michael kors outlet, nike blazer pas cher, true religion outlet, uggs outlet, lululemon canada, hollister pas cher, michael kors, nike roshe run uk, abercrombie and fitch uk, true religion outlet, ray ban pas cher, michael kors outlet online, ray ban uk, coach outlet store online, nike air max uk, new balance, oakley pas cher, north face, nike air force, michael kors outlet online, timberland pas cher, uggs outlet, ralph lauren uk, burberry handbags, michael kors outlet online, nike tn

oakleyses said...

longchamp uk, oakley, new balance shoes, abercrombie and fitch, hollister, p90x workout, chi flat iron, ferragamo shoes, hollister clothing, nike air max, wedding dresses, nike trainers uk, vans outlet, ralph lauren, louboutin, babyliss, valentino shoes, insanity workout, reebok outlet, baseball bats, nike air max, lululemon, vans, instyler, north face outlet, bottega veneta, timberland boots, mac cosmetics, ray ban, converse, converse outlet, celine handbags, jimmy choo outlet, hermes belt, herve leger, nike huaraches, soccer shoes, mcm handbags, north face outlet, giuseppe zanotti outlet, iphone cases, nfl jerseys, gucci, asics running shoes, ghd hair, nike roshe run, soccer jerseys, beats by dre, hollister, mont blanc pens

oakleyses said...

doudoune moncler, thomas sabo, montre pas cher, barbour uk, canada goose outlet, karen millen uk, louis vuitton, moncler, swarovski crystal, moncler outlet, canada goose, ugg pas cher, pandora charms, canada goose outlet, marc jacobs, replica watches, louis vuitton, pandora jewelry, moncler, barbour, canada goose, moncler, pandora uk, moncler, toms shoes, louis vuitton, supra shoes, ugg, lancel, ugg uk, coach outlet, links of london, pandora jewelry, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, canada goose outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, canada goose uk, swarovski, juicy couture outlet, moncler outlet, juicy couture outlet, louis vuitton, hollister, canada goose, canada goose jackets, moncler uk, wedding dresses, louis vuitton